My past life

If there were such a thing as reincarnation, I firmly believe that in a former life I drowned in a large body of water. Ever since I was 5 years old, I've had a recurring nightmare of being out in the middle of a lake or ocean without anyone around. As far as I could see, there was water, no land in sight! I remember waking and being terrified of this dream. I would try to think happy thoughts to get myself to sleep, but my mind would wander back to this nightmare.

To this day, I have no desire to be IN water unless it is in a swimming pool. I have been itching to exercise ever since we got here to Lake Arrowhead. They have hiking trails, but no flat running trails. I haven't ventured out to find these trails, either; they take a bit of research to find and drive to. Since I look out at the lake all day and I'm about 10 feet from it, I psyched myself up and decided to go out for a swim. I mean, why not? It seems like the perfect thing to do!

I put on my suit and the family walked with me down to the pier to cheer me on. It took me a while to get the guts to jump in, but eventually I took the dive. Immediately, I swam back to the pier and got out. I thought that once I jumped in I would get over the anxiety, but I was wrong. My anxiety tripled, my heart was racing, and I realized that this was NOT going to happen today. I gave a whole hearted attempt, but I just couldn't do it. I jumped in...that was a start, right?

This is Bliss!

I'm sitting in the backyard on our comfy outdoor furniture, enjoying an ice cold beer, listening to birds chirp, perusing the blogosphere. It's quiet. L took both of the girls to Speakeasy Brewery. Yes, it's actually a family friendly affair.

I'm feeling peaceful now. I'm reveling in the quiet and the fact that I have no one calling my name or hanging on me or asking me for anything.

Ahhh, peace!

My new MacBook

I am so excited. I've just received my very first "real" computer. According to my friend, JR, I've now entered the real world of technology. Apparently, everyone he knows who has purchased an Apple computer has been enlightened and are now drinking the company kool-aid. I won't say that I'm thirsty just yet, but maybe by the next MacWorld in January 2009, I'll be singing a different tune.

I must say, it is uber-cool! It's so cute and white and pretty.

I'm using it now; still getting used to the differences from the PC. Some day, hopefully soon, I'll be sending out DVD's of the girls so that their grandparents and family can watch them grow. I'm also looking forward to the photo applications and learning how to more easily get them here. I'm even stepping into the tech world and downloading podcasts onto my iPod shuffle to listen to while I run. Yup, I finally got an iPod too, that's thanks to my current employer, thanks Papa BB.

It feels like Christmas around here!

Thanks Single Ma

Today, like everyday, I began my day perusing some of my favorite PF blogs. I always start with Single Ma's Fabulous Financials.. And to my tired, surprised eyes, she featured me as her Guest Blogger. Thank you Single Ma.

One of my goals for 2007 was to be a more consistent blogger. Confessions here that obviously I've not been faithful to that goal. However, I will offer an honest explanation. I found out January 2nd that I'm pregnant again. This was great news, we are very excited. I've been cautious and nervous, though, because just several weeks prior we had a miscarriage at about 8 weeks. I'm just at 9 weeks now. It's been a bit crazy around here. I'm having incredible mood-swings, I'm very, very tired, and I just don't have the energy to do anything. That's all good news, though, right? Cause it just means this little critter is holding on tightly to mama and just might make it through.

That's been my excuse. I'm not really big on excuses, I hate hearing them from others, but hey that's the honest explanation.

If you are here because of Single Ma, thank you. I look forward to your company again.

I'm coming back!

Hi everyone. It's official. I've been thinking about this for a long time. I'm coming back.

I'll officially send out my MIA message on Monday, January 1st.

Enjoy your weekend. I'm very much looking forward to joining the blogosphere again.

sf mom

Working mom blues

I've been writing for a couple of months now about how I've been in this funk. The funk has cost me $14 in late fees and $140 in change fees on airline tickets.

I'm writing now because I'm getting out o' the funk. I have to. This is killing me, probably literally. I started to do a yoga tape today and pulled a muscle in my back. (lovely!) The depression, the anxiety, the achy body have all got to go.

Here is my game plan:
1) wake up at 5:30am every morning, for alone time. Time to meditate, pray, do gentle yoga.
2) review and update my net worth and get back on the financial track. One of my first posts was a financial to-do list. I'll report back the standings.
3) yoga, walk, run. Do something good for my health everyday! A minimum of 20 minutes.

I have to start off simply and get back into the swing of things. This is way too much pressure.

Slacker

I'm such a slacker! I can't believe that I've been incognito for over a month now. And, it's not just with blogging; my whole life has been dragging lately. Here is a short recap:

1) September was the last month of the 3rd Quarter for work. Since I work on commission, I had to follow up on last minute projects, close business and ensure that I hit my sales numbers. All is well! I ended Q3 at about 119% to plan and kicked some major butt. It took some energy though.

2) We went to New York (Orange County--not the city)to visit my hubby's family and also to attend a baptism and wedding. We had a great time visiting with his parents and 8 siblings and their families. Little NJM(our godson) is the 19th grandchild, so you can see we had lots of catching up to do with the other 17 nieces and nephews.

3) We went to Genoa, NV for 3 days to visit with a friend and attend their annual arts and crafts fair, CandyDance. We had a good time, but I was very ready to get home and NOT travel anymore.

4) I'm taking my 2nd semester French class to learn to speak French. We had our first test on the 20th and I crammed for a few days prior:) And, I try to do homework and such that keeps me away from my family duties and blogging:(

Along with these busy happenings, I've been neglecting my financial duties. I received a late fee from our DMV renewal because I forgot to mail out our check on time! I HATE that. It totally pisses me off, but there really isn't much I can do. It's my own damn fault!!!! That alone should be a lesson to stay on top of my finances and keep on blogging. Keeping in touch with you financial friends is my way of keeping on track.

I hope to be a better blogger in the future. Keep on keeping on. Peace out-- Til later.

Holy Cow!

I can't believe it's been so long that I've been away. Sorry that I didn't leave a message (I guess I didn't realize that people were going to miss me...Thanks Erin:)

I've been away visiting family in New York and then work for a few days and now, I'm off to Genoa, NV to visit more friends.

My hiatus will end soon; and then, hopefully, I'll be back on track. I've missed all of you. I'll be back soon.

A Bientot!

What gets me moving in the morning

Not too many years ago, I felt like a slave to money. I couldn't stop obsessing about how much I made, how I was going to pay for college for a child that not only wasn't even conceived but wasn't even thought of, and how I was going to buy a house; I needed more money because more would allow me to live my lifestyle, save for the future and buy a nice home. It's taken me a few years, many journals, and the birth of my daughter to realize that what I need can't be bought with money. I "need" the love, support, and respect of my husband. (I say need but really I mean want. I need oxygen, food. I want a healthy relationship with my spouse. There is a difference.) I need some of the same from my child. I'm blessed beyond belief and that really has nothing to do with money.

Don't get me wrong, money is important to me, very, very important to me. However, it doesn't have a binding effect like it used to. It's a work in progress and a constant struggle to balance out my life, but I've identified my goals, both financial and non-financial, and my values. I try to live my life in alignment with these values and goals: every decision I make takes me back to these two areas.

How did I get here? Well, the long drawn out story will be posted somewhere else. The short story is that I started by journaling a lot about my feelings, I wrote about why I felt the way I did about money, and then I read a lot. I've read many self-help money tomes on how to get my financial life in order. Once you read a few, you get the gist of everyone's message which is to spend less than you make and save a chunk for living your life now and in the future. Sounds simple, but it's oh so hard! The first simple step (besides educating myself) was to track exactly where my money went. How much did I actually make? How much exactly did I spend on health care, groceries, concerts, insurance? I made my husband track just how much he put in parking meters:) (We have a line in our expense chart for parking meters...I know it's crazy, but I really, really needed to know where we were spending our money!) I learned from this monthly snapshot what was important to us and where we were frivolously spending money. Nothing surprised me except that we pay about $700-800 a year for a Harley motorcycle that sits in our garage for a huge chunk of time. (I've since made peace with the fact that this expense exists, but will certainly be one of the first to go if we are ever in a bind.)

Finding out where our money went helped to move me to the next step which is to evaluate our expense reports and make sure what we were spending money on was in alignment with our financial goals and values. Then, I made saving a priority (which I've always done, but I kicked it up a notch.) We've always saved to my 401(k), a traditional IRA, and a Roth IRA, but we didn't have an E-fund set up. So, in addition to those savings vehicles, I established an E-fund with HSBC. Within a few months I've already built it to $4700. It is a rush to see my savings grow, to check how much money 5% interest really brings in. That rush used to be full-filled with shopping, but not anymore.

I'm in a much, much better place in my emotional-financial house since I created a game-plan. I can only make so much money, I can only save so much money, I can only do a finite thing with money. If I lost every penny today, I would still be ok. If my marriage were to dissolve, I'd be ok (albeit, very, very sad, but ok.) I have a wonderfully supportive husband, a gorgeously smart child, and we all have good health and love for one another. Sure, I'd stress out and find a way to rebuild our savings, but I would be ok. What gets me out of bed in the morning is knowing that I make a difference to someone in the world, right now, I make a difference to my family and friends.

I'm going to close with a quote from Liz Perle's book, "Money, a memoir". "As long as I had believed that financial security purchased emotional security, I'd lived a dependent, conditional life. Conditional on the individuals, families, institutions--even fantasises--that I'd invested with the power to take care of me. When I made that quiet contract with cash so long ago, I'd trusted that money would compensate for my emotional needs. As a result, each time one of those sources of security disappointed me or disappeared, I was left in a state of fear." I used to feel this way about money and relationships too. I feel blessed that at the young age of 31 that I know that I don't "need" anything or anyone to be ok. Money doesn't define me or my values or character.

"Easy on the Pocketbook, Easy on the Environment"

Reusable Menstrual products. I've wanted to write about this for a few weeks, but couldn't figure out a way to discuss it without getting an "eewww, that's gross!" reaction. The Simple Living Network has an article that eloquently describes the message I wanted to get out. Check it out!

Simple Living Network Newsletter

I've been using the Glad Rag products for several months now and I LOVE them. I can feel good that I'm not adding to a landfill AND more importantly, I feel like I've embraced my cycle. I celebrate my femininity now!

Glad Rags

Ladies, have you thought about this before? What do you think?