On Vacation

I've been looking forward to this week for quite sometime. We are all in Lake Arrowhead at our friend, JR's father's lake house. We left at 8:30pm on Monday night for the drive down here. It took us exactly 7 hours; we parked the car at 3:30am. I thought that this drive would be better for all of us, but admittedly, I was wrong!

S is in a very talkative stage. She is very inquisitive and repeats much of what we say. I thought that it would be much nicer to drive at night while both girls slept. That worked out great for CC, but ES, that little girl is another story! She didn't fall asleep until about 10:30, and then woke again when we stopped at midnight. She woke again about 2:30 and was awake until after 4am. And to top it all off, she was up at 6:00am ready to start the day.

Last night was so miserable trying to get her to sleep. She was out of control. Both L and I lost our patience, she was relentless. It was incredibly difficult to deal with her and finally after what seemed like hours (but was probably only one hour), we got her to sleep.

Why is it that I get anxious every time it's time for my girls to go to sleep? Doesn't matter if it's a nap or bedtime, I don't want to do it. I anticipate a fight and am more surprised when they go down easily. What are we doing wrong?

I know that it's different because we are out of our element, but I'm so tired! I think I may need a vacation from our vacation.

Saturday's Adventure

I spent 2 hours on Saturday morning preparing for the day. After spending $17 on lunch Friday afternoon, I decided that we would be packing snacks for the day. I've recently discovered that S will eat more veggies if she has something to dip them. Easy enough. For the raw broccoli and carrot sticks, I had ranch dressing. For the apple slices and celery sticks, we had both almond butter and peanut butter. I had trail mix, the good kind with chocolate chips, yum! I also had cheddar popcorn and some of the chocolate chip cookies S and I made on Friday night. We were packed and ready!

We picked up my friend DK and headed up to the Marin Art Festival. It was a beautiful, sunny, warm day, perfect for being outside. There were many creative, exquisite art pieces to admire. I wanted to buy a hand carved wooden bowl, but decided not to spend the money. I hemmed and hawed about it for a while, though. I've been looking for a rustic-looking wooden bowl exactlylike the one I spotted. But I controlled the impulse and decided that some day I'd find it again. I did just make a big purchase, my computer, so I took the chance and walked right by. 'Course I did take his card, 'cause you just never know when I would have "buyer's regret." You know, when you don'tbuy what it is you want and you think about it constantly for days and weeks afterwards. Come on, surely you know what I mean :)

We stopped by the Marin Art Museum booth and S got to smear paint on a piece of glass and then transferred the paint to paper where it made a very cool design. It had to be pink because that is her favorite color. Which is not hard to believe, right, because she is a 3-year-old girl. What is hard to believe is that I could not convince her to have her face painted in pretty pink, purple, yellow fairy designs, or pretty flowers, or a cute bunny. Oh no, my "self-directed" wonderful, sweet-as-pie, 3-year-old had to be spiderman. She was walking around the rest of the art festival with her cheeks painted red, her eyes white and black webs circling her entire face. Everyone loved it, especially her!

These are the best photos...

About 2 minutes later, this was spidergirl...

And then, about 2 seconds later, she was out. Surprisingly, she napped for quite a while. Even when we got to our next destination, the San Rafael sidewalk chalk art festival. She slept in the stroller for another 15-30 minutes. But once she woke, she was amazed! There were incredible art displays on the sidewalk! It was beautiful. Here are a few examples...

That was the drawing on the sidewalk copied from these photos...

Pretty great, isn't it?

And, lest you think that we left CC home all weeked, here is the cutie pie enjoying the day..


It was fairly easy to get them to sleep Saturday night. They were worn out from the sun and fun. My friend JR came over later that evening. We chatted and then watched Juno; it is my new favorite movie. I've seen it twice now and I think I can watch it over and over again. It's great! Have you seen it? Did you like it? I think it is wonderful.

Onto Friday's adventures...

After a strong cup of coffee and a short segment of Callilou, we were ready to embark upon the day's journey. I didn't lose my temper at all as I cooked breakfast for the girls, got them ready, packed the day bag, packed S's backpack, and skaddadled out of the door. You see, I was in a spectacularly happy mood. I was going to pick up my bicycle! I felt like a kid at Christmas. Was the giddiness from the winning portion or actually getting a bicycle? Either way, it was bringing out the kid in me. No wonder I related more to my girls that morning:)

I picked up S from Billygoats early so that we could get to the Biketown Ceremony on time. If you haven't caught up on my previous post, check it out. For a couple of years now, L and I have been talking about joining theBicycle Coalition. We weren't bike activists or even bicyclists, but we think that they are a solid organization. We noticed a discounted membership in Green Zebra and took that as a sign to support the Bicycle Coalition. Since gas prices have been increasing for the past couple of months and I was also looking for an alternative form of exercise (I'm a runner), I've been thinking about cycling. I wrote to a cycling friend and asked her to be my mentor, I stumbled upon a cool ride in August touring Organic Farms in Sonoma County, and I had researched local bike shops where I could go to find a used road bike. You see it was fate when a few weeks ago I was perusing the Bicycle Coalition weekly email and spotted a contest to win a new bicycle. The post stated that you should forward the email to family and friends because they assume that most members of the Bicycle Coalition already have a bicycle! Well, I didn't and I seized the opportunity. Bicycling.com supported this program called Biketown. They selected 5 cities this year and gave away 30 bicycles in each city. Of course the purpose is to get more people out of cars and onto bikes. Having a bike not only could help with the obesity crisis by getting folks to exercise more, but it could also help save the environment and our wallets by reducing our consumption of gasoline. I wrote a 50 word essay telling them why I deserved a free bicycle and how it could "set me free." Obviously, I was chosen, which brings me back to Friday...

A couple of my friends met me down at Justin Herman Plaza to watch the girls while I was fitted for my new helmet.

After a short ceremony where they described the program and what they hoped to accomplish by giving away all of these bikes,
I got to get on my bike!How do you like that cheese grin? Simone was very excited too. I love this photo of us.
After a quick lunch with our friends, we came home and took a very long nap. It was great. I slept for about 45 minutes and the girls slept almost 3 hours! It was lovely. When S woke up, she said, "Remember yesterday, you said after a nap we could make cookies." I just smiled and said, "You're right. How do you remember everything!" We made yummy chocolate chip cookies together and then delivered them to a couple of neighbors. We ended up having tea and chatting at our next door neighbors C&L's house. It was lovely. After our nightly soiree, we came home and easily fell asleep.

It was a wonderful day!

It's been great!

I have to admit that I was a little worried a few days ago that I was going to be overwhelmed and exhausted with having the girls by myself this weekend. I know that sounds horrible. I am lucky to spend so much time with them. I know this. But I also like to rest and have my space. I'm also lucky that L helps out and gives me time to rest! I know it's difficult to have young children, but sometimes I feel overwhelmed with working full-time and being a wife and mommy full-time too. At least this past weekend, I got to drop one of those roles!

Don't get me wrong, I am exhausted right now, but I'm loving all of the snuggle time I'm getting with my two angels.

We started the weekend on Thursday. After I picked up S from Billygoats, we went to get her hair cut. She was fabulous!

She sat in this car and held still for about 30 minutes. It helped that she knew she was getting a pink lollipop when she was done. We talked about getting her hair cut for about a week and each time I mentioned it, she yelled, "No!" That's when I decided it would be best to bribe her. I love it short like this. She looks like a little girl and not a toddler. I can't believe she's growing so fast! She hasn't made too much of a fuss about it, but she did tell me that she likes long hair. Oh well, for a few more years, it needs to stay short. It's too difficult to fight with her to brush it!

I thought for sure I could get both girls home to take a nap, but that didn't happen. They were both nice and cranky when I had the neighborhood ladies over for our weekly GNG meeting. (More info about GNG later!) We had an interesting meeting. I finally got the girls to sleep after many books and a little crying. As we finished our meeting, S woke up screaming as if from a bad dream. It took a long time to get her to quiet down, and eventually I brought her into bed with me and we all went to sleep.

More about Friday and Saturday later...the girls are calling.

Girls Weekend

L went away this weekend to the Redwood Run which is a very large camping-festival-mostly-Harley-big-bad-biker-dude gathering. The girls and I have a busy few days ahead of us.

We'll update you with some photos of our activities. Right now, I'm trying to get a few things done while ES is at Billygoats. That is if CC will cooperate!

Hush little baby, don't say a word

Getting our children to sleep is a constant struggle in our house. It has been for the past 3.5 years. Usually what happens is that we go with the flow until I am about to snap from sleep deprivation and/or lack of personal time. We are about at that point again.

I'm the first to admit that it is our fault. Our fault for not sticking to a schedule, for not being more firm in our expectations, and for giving in to the constant drama. It started with my wanting to nurse ES for at least 12 months. Because I'm a full-time employee, I couldn't nurse on demand. Certainly, I could do that when I was with her, but I wasn't always with her. Check the previous sentence. I work. I work full time. I felt guilty and so I allowed her to sleep with me and to nurse on demand all night. It was a compromise. I would be available to her whenever I was with her. I was with her mostly during sleeping hours, so she got to nurse as often as she wanted. That worked well until I thought I was going to lose my mind from not sleeping well! Then, we changed our approach. I put her in her crib and the very first night she slept all night! Seems she needed some space too.

The reason all of this is on my mind is because I'm about to go through it again with CC. She's 9 months old, only sleeps well when she is snuggled right next to me in bed, and she wakes ever 3 hours or so just to nurse for a few minutes before she falls asleep again. Honestly, right now it would be okay if I didn't have to still deal with ES. She wants to sleep with us. She is difficult to get to sleep. She wakes at least 2-3 times a night and wants to come into bed with us. The other night I didn't even hear her come in until I picked up CC from her co-sleeper (sometimes I can get her in there when she is dog-tired) and ES was snoozing right between L and me. That is where I'm drawing the line. We have the whole family in my queen size bed, I have 6 inches of space where I barely have enough room to lay on my back. Arrgghh!!!

Well, I've been preparing myself for the big change. We have to sleep train CC to sleep in her own crib and get not nurse during the night. We have to be firm with ES that she needs to learn how to get herself to sleep after we read books, snuggle, kiss and then say goodnight. We also need to continue to keep ES in her bed throughout the night. Honestly, it's all too overwhelming right now. I know that it would be better to just talk to L and come up with a plan, but I dread the whole process.

I want my space, adult conversation, time alone with my husband! This is going to have to happen soon because I'm starting to become very,very crabby every night when it's time to get the kids to sleep.

Off to Louisiana

The fam and I are leaving this morning for vacation in Louisiana. We are going to visit my family. I'll see my new Nephew, my Grandpa who is recovering from major surgery, my Aunt who is on leave from Iraq, and plenty of other family.

We will take a tour of New Orleans on Monday and have dinner there too. I look forward to sharing some of our journey. (Well, I'll spare you the family drama:)

We've got our backpacks filled with snacks for the trip so that we can avoid the astronomical prices of food in the airports!

Bon Voyage!

What gets me moving in the morning

Not too many years ago, I felt like a slave to money. I couldn't stop obsessing about how much I made, how I was going to pay for college for a child that not only wasn't even conceived but wasn't even thought of, and how I was going to buy a house; I needed more money because more would allow me to live my lifestyle, save for the future and buy a nice home. It's taken me a few years, many journals, and the birth of my daughter to realize that what I need can't be bought with money. I "need" the love, support, and respect of my husband. (I say need but really I mean want. I need oxygen, food. I want a healthy relationship with my spouse. There is a difference.) I need some of the same from my child. I'm blessed beyond belief and that really has nothing to do with money.

Don't get me wrong, money is important to me, very, very important to me. However, it doesn't have a binding effect like it used to. It's a work in progress and a constant struggle to balance out my life, but I've identified my goals, both financial and non-financial, and my values. I try to live my life in alignment with these values and goals: every decision I make takes me back to these two areas.

How did I get here? Well, the long drawn out story will be posted somewhere else. The short story is that I started by journaling a lot about my feelings, I wrote about why I felt the way I did about money, and then I read a lot. I've read many self-help money tomes on how to get my financial life in order. Once you read a few, you get the gist of everyone's message which is to spend less than you make and save a chunk for living your life now and in the future. Sounds simple, but it's oh so hard! The first simple step (besides educating myself) was to track exactly where my money went. How much did I actually make? How much exactly did I spend on health care, groceries, concerts, insurance? I made my husband track just how much he put in parking meters:) (We have a line in our expense chart for parking meters...I know it's crazy, but I really, really needed to know where we were spending our money!) I learned from this monthly snapshot what was important to us and where we were frivolously spending money. Nothing surprised me except that we pay about $700-800 a year for a Harley motorcycle that sits in our garage for a huge chunk of time. (I've since made peace with the fact that this expense exists, but will certainly be one of the first to go if we are ever in a bind.)

Finding out where our money went helped to move me to the next step which is to evaluate our expense reports and make sure what we were spending money on was in alignment with our financial goals and values. Then, I made saving a priority (which I've always done, but I kicked it up a notch.) We've always saved to my 401(k), a traditional IRA, and a Roth IRA, but we didn't have an E-fund set up. So, in addition to those savings vehicles, I established an E-fund with HSBC. Within a few months I've already built it to $4700. It is a rush to see my savings grow, to check how much money 5% interest really brings in. That rush used to be full-filled with shopping, but not anymore.

I'm in a much, much better place in my emotional-financial house since I created a game-plan. I can only make so much money, I can only save so much money, I can only do a finite thing with money. If I lost every penny today, I would still be ok. If my marriage were to dissolve, I'd be ok (albeit, very, very sad, but ok.) I have a wonderfully supportive husband, a gorgeously smart child, and we all have good health and love for one another. Sure, I'd stress out and find a way to rebuild our savings, but I would be ok. What gets me out of bed in the morning is knowing that I make a difference to someone in the world, right now, I make a difference to my family and friends.

I'm going to close with a quote from Liz Perle's book, "Money, a memoir". "As long as I had believed that financial security purchased emotional security, I'd lived a dependent, conditional life. Conditional on the individuals, families, institutions--even fantasises--that I'd invested with the power to take care of me. When I made that quiet contract with cash so long ago, I'd trusted that money would compensate for my emotional needs. As a result, each time one of those sources of security disappointed me or disappeared, I was left in a state of fear." I used to feel this way about money and relationships too. I feel blessed that at the young age of 31 that I know that I don't "need" anything or anyone to be ok. Money doesn't define me or my values or character.